I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I forgot wine drunk hurts
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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