just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
