can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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