Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
