i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
