Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
