I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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