im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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