he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
