I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
