I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
