He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
What drink are we having for lunch?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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