but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize