at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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