We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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