Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
