Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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