yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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