I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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