We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
