A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
