Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
