Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
