I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
