Screwed.edu
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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