I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
