too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
