just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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