It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
