I just pynch a tree in the face
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
