my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize