But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
