First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
