if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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