I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
