I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
