dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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