I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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