Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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