I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
