In the future we'll all be gay
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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