So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
