Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
