I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
