i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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