I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
