i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
