That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
