Who wears a wallet chain?!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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