covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
