im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
