Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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