The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Those nachos came to me in a dream
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
