she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
