i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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