dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
