i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
After tacos, we're chasing women.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
