Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
