I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
