Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
