Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
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why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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